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Unpopular Ideas

Ramblings and Digressions from out of left field, and beyond....

Location: Piedmont of Virginia, United States

All human history, and just about everything else as well, consists of a never-ending struggle against ignorance.

Friday, May 04, 2012

As a Man Without Any of His Original Teeth...

--And having a neighbor who just recently had all his teeth removed and his jaw reconfigured while getting ready for implants, I took special interest in a news item about a lady dentist in London who, angry at having been dumped by her boy friend, agreed nevertheless to attend to him when later he had a toothache, and she got back at him by putting him under -- boy, did she put him under! -- while she pulled out all his teeth, after which she wrapped his head in bandages so that he wouldn't know anything was amiss, till he got home and, sensing that something wasn't right, he looked in the mirror and--

Now she is looking at a possible three years in jail for "medical malpractice and abusing the trust of a patient."

It seems that every few months you will see a news item like this, about some woman finding an unusual and drastic way of getting back at a man "who done her wrong." I saw mention of another such case just three or four months ago, but I can't remember what happened.

Oh, well. It's not as if women have not been doing this ever since the caveman days, getting back at their bigger and stronger male mates in a great variety of ways. There's probably a whole shelf of books on this subject, about as many as the number of stories written about equally enraged husbands who killed their wives and then tried to hide the bodies under the flagstones in the basement.

As to this guy suddenly minus his molars, cuspids, and the rest, I still have one all-important question, and that is, how many teeth did he have to begin with? The tragedy of this story stands or falls on this one crucial fact. Unfortunately that highly important information is omitted in the news account that I read, and all it says is that she took out "all" his teeth. I think the guy is in his middle 40's or thereabouts. This could mean that he still had his original 32 or so, or it could mean that he only had five or less. The difference makes all the difference.

If he had a lot, then that brings up a second question and that is, can an anaesthetic really put a man so far under that he doesn't feel anything when an angry woman is jerking out 30 or more of his teeth all at the same time? The pain of even one extraction always struck me as being so extreme that it seemed impossible that anyone could be drugged deeply enough not to feel a couple dozen of those babies being torn out of his gums one by one at intervals of just a moment or two.

Now the guy is comforting himself, saying he's going to get "some indents or something." He either mispoke there, or this is yet another case of the English misusing the English language, though the principals in this case all have distinctly Polish names.

That also was of interest, because of the implants that this neighbor across the road is getting. It led me to thinking whether I should have given more thought to getting implants, too, when, having lost patience with them, I had the last few of my original teeth taken out. But the technology was new, those 12 or 13 years ago or whenever it was, and it was on the expensive side, and I thought I'd make out well enough with false teeth. Besides, the idea of having modular teeth appealed to me, just as modular anything else would now -- that is, if I could carry a plastic heart or an aluminum liver or a couple of kevlar lungs around in my pocket if not in an attache case, and provided that they worked reasonably close to the way that my birth organs are still doing. But that day, sad to say, has no chance of coming in my time, and maybe not in yours either, but eventually--.

Nowadays, approaching the Moms Mabley style (that great comedienne of yesteryear seemed never to wear hers, or maybe she went bare-gummed only when she was onstage, for comic effect), I don't wear my portable teeth for much of the day -- except when I'm thinking that a nice lady might catch me first thing in the morning working in my shop without them, although the only women who might do that are the kind that wouldn't put me down on that account. But later in the day I still have to eat something that drives me to putting in those dentures, if I don't want to choke, a disorder to which I am especially vulnerable.

Every once in a while they will hurt one or the other part of my gums, but that's much more bearable than all those toothaches that I used to have to endure, and I was glad enough when all that candy that I had eaten in my time eventually swept away every last one of my original teeth, and I can't say now that I miss them.


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