Imagined Conversation No. 2 -- Tea Parties of Today

"Hey, Joe Bob, as long as we're waiting around in this little craphole of a Virginia county till their dinky health care forum starts, I think we have a live one on our hands, standing over there and looking at us as if he's the one at the zoo and we're the hyenas and baboons."

"Who? Where?"

"The old jigaboo standing over there watching us. Another dumb-ass Democrat, you know he is."

"I see him. Yeah."

"Look at him. He knows we see him, yet and still he just keeps on standing there looking at us, with that shit-eating knowing grin on his face. He looks like he's way old enough to know better, but it looks like these folks around here have let him forget all about how it used to be. joe Bob, we gotta go over and remind him."

"Yeah, throw the fear of God back in him. Yeah. Let's go put a whupping on his kinky head that this time he'll remember for sure."

"Right."

"Right."

"...Sir...."

"You talking to me?"

"Yes, we're talking to you. Who else would we be? ...Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Uncle, you look like an old guy to me. How old are you?"

"I guess you could say that. In only two more years I'll hit 80, if I make it that far."

"You sound proud of that."

"I am."

"So what're you doing here?"

"The same reason you're here, I believe. --Well, maybe not."

"And what reason would that be, Mr Remus?"

"...To see what Congress wants to do about reforming health care."

"We can tell you that."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, that's so. --Joe Bob, yep, we got a real smart-ass here. You would think he already got that kind of uppity whipped out of him years ago. They must not do things right, here in Virginia."

"So where are you guys from? Oklahoma? And how much do you get paid, to let yourselves get bussed in here? Did you bring your guns?"

"They must not've knocked all of it outta him, Crankcase. But there's still time to do that. Teach an old dog old tricks. Har-har!"

"Old Folks, do you want to see that 80 you're talking about?"

"I was kind of thinking about doing that, yeah."

"Well, maybe you should tell your sad-ass Congressman in there not to vote for this plan the Democrats want, because if it gets passed. right away old farts like you are going to be taken away to a FEMA camp and euthanized. ... But you don't know what that means, do you?"

"I know what it means."

"All right, tell me what it means."

"It means that what you just now said is a big bunch of claptrap. It's ridiculous. 'Euthanized.' Don't you feel any shame at all, going around telling somebody that?"

"'Ridiculous,' hunh?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hey, Joe Bob, now old Sambo wants to ask us a question. He's been to col-lich, like his Pre-ce-dent!

"I heard--"

"When you tell somebody all your teabag health care stuff, especially that euthanasia nonsense, don't you know that what you're really doing is you're telling the people that you say that to that you think they're just a big bunch of morons?"

"That's what we're doing, hunh?"

"Yeah. All you're doing, every time that you open your mouths and do all that screaming and shouting that you people have been going all around the country doing at the Democratic town hall meetings is that you're just insulting the intelligence of people."

"You know, boy, that you're not only old but you're dumb, too. You've got a big mouth, and also you're as dumb as a bag of nails. And you're too damn ignorant to know that you're about two seconds away from getting your rusty black ass kicked in good, and you know we can do that and get away with it, right here and now in this parking lot, because last time I looked Virginia was still in the good ol' South."

"But wouldn't that just help to prove my point?"

"--Joe Bob, Crankcase! What's happening here? Having a staring match with one of the natives? "

"Dick, Glenn, Rush, we were standing here minding our own business and thinking about the points we want to make inside there, and this man came over and started messing with us. He's another one of those nasty-ass, aggressive Democrats, and he needs to be taught a lesson."

"We know. But forget him. We're here for a purpose, so don't let yourselves get distracted by a sideshow freak. An old relic, a leftover like this doesn't count. The real show is inside here, and it's about to start. C'mon, let's go in and kick off the fun."

"Okay."

"--Yeah. Have fun!"

"What?"

"==I said forget him, Crankcase. C'mon. Remember what we told you. No violence, at least none that any cameras might catch, and meanwhile don't let the Democrat agitators like this man get to you."

"Okay. And I remember exactly why we're here. Don't worry. And meanwhile he'll get his later. I promise that."

"You're Promise Keepers, too! All right!""